?

Log in

 

Your Friendly Marauder Advice Column

About Recent Entries

I solemnly swear I am up to no good... May. 25th, 2006 @ 01:29 am
quill_n_ink
*grins mischieviously* Oooh, I am going to enjoy this immensely... okay, my first question is for Sirius and Remus.

How do you two feel about girls (and boys xD) pairing you two up? As in couple-wise?

Okay now, Sirius, Remus, and James, how do you feel when you three are paired together?
And Lily, how do you feel about it?

And one more question for the road,

Remus, I've been meaning to ask, what color are your eyes?

Thanks for all your help. I'll come up with more questions to ask later.

Sayonara!
Current Mood: deviousdevious

A Friend who is not a Friend Aug. 21st, 2005 @ 07:49 am
chelikins
To anyone who can help! Sirius, Lily, any of you!

I have a friend, who I thought loved me! I have now found out they have banned both me and friend from posting in their journal. Well technically they cannot ban us but have verbally forbade us from doing so. What should I do?

I also have another friend who is obsessed with the darkerside of magic. She is in love with ... with.. the Dark Lord. She wants to name her love child after him. I am not sure how the father will take to this. I think he might be slightly aggitated. How can I make her see the error of her ways? She should name her baby after Harry, not Tom.

I am worried about both my friends and our frienships. They are very close to me.

Chelikins
Current Mood: crushedcrushed

Aug. 7th, 2005 @ 08:01 pm
chelikins
I have a problem with my friends. I think I choose the wrong ones. One is a poo lover, one imagins his friends online are realy (we all know they are computer generated), one cannot stop shopping (for post its, she even has a post it dress), and one cannot quit burning her living quarters down (she keeps having to move). What should I do? How can I change them and make them normal.
Current Mood: chipperchipper

I solemnly swear I am not up to no good Aug. 7th, 2005 @ 07:13 pm
kimmparker
Lily,

I'm gonna hope the girl in the crowd can help me with this.

I just met this guy and I thought things were going great. I've run into him a few times and he seems receptive. But then I send him notes and he doesn't return them. Could it be that his owls are going stray or is something else at work? I'm thinking a few drops of veritserum in his drink after he's had a bit too much fun one night in the commonroom. Is that wrong?

Confused and Annoyed!
Current Mood: gigglygiggly
Current Music: Sombody's Hero

I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good Aug. 8th, 2005 @ 12:17 am
a_wormwood
Dear James,

I am having a slight issue with my fetish-loving girlfriend. It appears her latest prediliction is ... well, it is somewhat disturbing for me to write this. However, what she most *desires* is to practise becoming an Animagus so that she can transform at *just the right moment*.

You know what moment I mean.

The one when the lights are out.

But what should I do! I do not want her to do this! Alas, I fear that I might have to dump the wench, but she is so pretty and a really good ... She is really good *fun*.

Please help,

LM.
Current Mood: hyperhyper
Current Music: Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart, HIM
Other entries
» I solemnly swear I am not up to no good.
Addressed to the filthy advice column belonging to youngsters of today,

Sifting back all the way through yesteryear, youngsters of my time were certainly not as naive and frivolous as those of today. The present time has yielded pus-like behaviour which proves many times as despicable, thank you very much.

This squalid column that is devoted to so-called "advice" (I spray murky vomit as I cast my eyes over this word) is purely reflective of the overall kind of behaviour that is being developed by teenagers today - with "tweens" closely bringing up the dirty rear! It is undoubtedly confirmable that this column will go as far as having (if not already, which I am not surprised) explicit content.

I have prevented my grandchildren from simply gazing at the layout of your puerile column. Their alluring, yet so perfect, eyes will surely be tainted and gouged even by reading one single word from your dreaded column. I certainly do not wish for them to read such nonsensical letters devoted to faeces, pathetic love potions, a teacher having sordid thoughts about a student, and the bad usage of Legilimency! I will personally see to it that one of my granddaughters will croak this column out of business.

Never have I been more disgusted at a person using Legilimency in a way which proved as mischievious as sifting out the impure thoughts of those within the vicinity! Highly perverted, I'd say. As to that girl who are simply proud of your achievements to start this column, well, she can drown amid the pool of Polyjuice potion that one highly admirable Professor had concocted. As to the writers who are troubled by their siblings, well, solve the problem yourself, you juice-bags! Back in my time, we don't turn to petty advice columns to have revenge on those whom we love dearly!

May all of you be permanently tortured by the trio of Unforgivable Curses,
Granny Umbridge.
» I solemnly Swear I am up to no good
Dear Marauders,

Once again I find myself with this horrible problem.

I was practicing Legilimacy - something I was previously terrible at - when I realized I was doing it. I could read the thoughts of the people around me. I was amazed, (I am not that great of a student), and I found it kind of fun to read others thoughts.

Then I realized I was only hearing peoples "dirty" thoughts. I sit in classrooms listening to people thinking of snogging, students thinking of snogging students, students thinking of snogging teachers, teachers thinking of snogging students, teachers thinking of snogging teachers, even ghosts - which is really nasty!

The only Legilimacy I can do is the X-rated kind. What should I do? How do I solve this problem? IS THIS REALLY A PROBELM!

As you can see, I have quite a dilemma!

What do I do?

Hopelessly stuck in the perverted minds of those around me!
» I solemnly swear I'm up to no good...
Dear Marauders,

I really hope you can help me.

I'm trying to come up with the perfect prank to pull on two friends of mine. The problem, however, is that these two friends are so well versed in the art of pranking that they may even rival the four of you.

I'm running out of ideas. Do you have any?

Five-Tailed Fox
» So proud
Boys, I am so proud of you!

When I heard that you were creating an advice column I thought it was a big joke, yet here you are, offering advise to those in need.

I can scarcely believe it.

I was certain it was just an excuse to rag on people, and make fun of their sorrows and hardships. To collect dirt to use against those who are hurting, and give you valid reasons to torment these people even more than you do already.

But I’m wrong about that, aren’t I? You have every intention in actually helping those who write, don’t you? I do hope so.

And with that in mind, I thought that I could perhaps join you in your new game. I too could offer advice. Don’t you think a woman’s opinion might be valued in a venture such as this?

James, I’m quite free this coming Saturday if you would like to come into Hogsmead with me. The weather is so beautiful and I though we might go swimming in the pond.

In anticipation of good things,

Lily.
» Point me!
Mr. Black,

I find myself in the need for some younger advice and knowing you to be one for the ladies, I can think of no better place to come.

I may or may not be a teacher at an unnamed school of Witchcraft and Wizardry that may, or may, not by somewhere in Scotland.

You understand my desire for anonymity, I hope.

I have found myself becoming more and more attracted to a student of mine, and just don’t know what to do about it. Initially I though this was to be a passing infatuation that we teachers are susceptible to, but recently it has become clear that it is far more than that.

The young woman in question is of unparallel beauty and intelligence and I am becoming more and more obsessed with her each and every passing day. The way she teases me in class by asking questions I know she knows the answer to. Gazing upon me with those big green eyes, and flicking her long, thick, red hair tempestuously over her shoulder. She is driving me to distraction! I find that recently I’m turning a blind eye to her when she misbehaves in class, not that the girl does often for she is indeed a model student, but I’m afraid to punish her. The thought of keeping her behind class or putting her in a detention where I should find myself alone with her is simply out of the question. I would not be able to contain myself. But, my dear Mr. Black, the more I deny myself her company the more frustrated I become.

What am I to do? Should I throw caution to the wind and confess myself to her? Is there any hope that such a young woman could ever fall for an old codger like me? And if I do what if she laughs in my face? The resulting embarrassment would surly finish me off.

I throw myself upon your younger judgment,

A. Teacher.
Top of Page Powered by LiveJournal.com