Addressed to the filthy advice column belonging to youngsters of today,
Sifting back all the way through yesteryear, youngsters of my time were certainly not as naive and frivolous as those of today. The present time has yielded pus-like behaviour which proves many times as despicable, thank you very much.
This squalid column that is devoted to so-called "advice" (I spray murky vomit as I cast my eyes over this word) is purely reflective of the overall kind of behaviour that is being developed by teenagers today - with "tweens" closely bringing up the dirty rear! It is undoubtedly confirmable that this column will go as far as having (if not already, which I am not surprised) explicit content.
I have prevented my grandchildren from simply gazing at the layout of your puerile column. Their alluring, yet so perfect, eyes will surely be tainted and gouged even by reading one single word from your dreaded column. I certainly do not wish for them to read such nonsensical letters devoted to faeces, pathetic love potions, a teacher having sordid thoughts about a student, and the bad usage of Legilimency! I will personally see to it that one of my granddaughters will croak this column out of business.
Never have I been more disgusted at a person using Legilimency in a way which proved as mischievious as sifting out the impure thoughts of those within the vicinity! Highly perverted, I'd say. As to that girl who are simply proud of your achievements to start this column, well, she can drown amid the pool of Polyjuice potion that one highly admirable Professor had concocted. As to the writers who are troubled by their siblings, well, solve the problem yourself, you juice-bags! Back in my time, we don't turn to petty advice columns to have revenge on those whom we love dearly!
May all of you be permanently tortured by the trio of Unforgivable Curses,